Self-Validation is about not relying on external sources to build up your VALUE, SELF-WORTH and SELF-ESTEEM.

Lack of self-validation stems from your childhood when your parents or main carers were unable to give you what you needed in terms of positive affirmation about how amazing and brilliant you are.

When this is not received early in your childhood, a child will grow into an adult without knowing their true value and they will look for external sources to show them their worth.

This shows up in relationships - for example being in a relationship that is not right for you but being in that relationship makes you believe you are worthy even though at your core it doesn’t feel right for you.

Relationships can be a big source of pain when you don’t know your worth at a deep level,

some women will get intimate with men too soon because they have a need for that validation but the opposite most likely happens and they are still left feeling not worthy and not good enough!

Other examples of not knowing your worth are - sitting and waiting for men to call and when they don’t call you will automatically believe you are not good enough.

Something else that gets in the way of you not knowing your true self-worth is comparing yourself to others, when you do this, it’s like slapping yourself around the face for no reason and this leaves you feeling deflated.

So, how do we change it………. Well it starts with YOU!!!! The only person who is going to build up your VALUE, SELF-WORTH and SELF-ESTEEM is YOU!

You will then find that you no longer settle for any old relationship where you don’t feel fulfilled because you know your WORTH and your VALUE and you will know that you deserve better.

Here are the steps to follow, I can say that if you follow this process and commit to it, you will feel more valued than you have ever felt before and your SELF-WORTH and SELF-ESTEEM will grow enormously. These steps may seem repetitive but this repetition is necessary to change and develop a strong SELF-WORTH.

1. The first step is to identify and understand your triggers - is it not getting the phone call when he said he would ring? Is it wanting contact with him all the time because if you don’t have this, you will not feel valued - this can come across as needy and with the wrong man, it can make you vulnerable. Is it when you compare yourself to others?

2. Have a conversation with yourself, let yourself know that you are sorry that you were dependent on men/other people for validation and let yourself know that this is not acceptable.

3. Say to yourself [whenever the trigger happens] - I am still WORTHY, GOOD ENOUGH, SPECIAL, BRILLIANT, IMPORTANT, MAGNIFICENT, BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY!!!

4. Record or film yourself saying that and continue to repeat it to yourself - over and over and over again, what you are doing is reprogramming your mind - your old mindset made you believe that you needed external validation but that is not true, the only validation that is important is your own validation.

5. Continue telling yourself - regardless of other people’s actions I am still WORTHY, GOOD ENOUGH, SPECIAL, BRILLIANT, IMPORTANT, MAGNIFICENT, BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY AND MUCH MORE!!!

6. Continue doing this for 2 weeks everyday to start!!!! KEEP Reprogramming your mind - when you get triggered, continue telling yourself - regardless of other people’s actions I am still WORTHY, GOOD ENOUGH, SPECIAL, BRILLIANT, IMPORTANT, MAGNIFICENT, BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY AND MUCH MORE!!!

7. Make a contract and commitment to yourself that you will no longer compare yourself to others and the only person you will compare yourself against will be the person you were yesterday.

8. YOU WILL START NOTICING a change in how you feel! Keep doing it, keep doing it and keep doing it, you deserve to feel good and only be validated by yourself!!!

9. Keep doing it until you build the belief and you can feel it in your SOUL!!! It’s like building a muscle, you have to keep doing it until you change but the payoff is you will no longer depend on a man or someone outside of yourself to tell you your worth! You will know your WORTH!!!!!

10. GOOD LUCK - Be your own best friend and biggest supporter, I know you can do this, I am also one of your biggest supporters because I did it too!!!!

Wishing you an abundance of Love and Freedom!




40 views0 comments
  • Pauline Toussaint

fear has no substance, it's like a bubble, it has nothing it in, just hot air....... but it stops people in their tracks and slows them down when they try to achieve their goals.

fear causes you:


Makes you think negatively

Stops you believing in yourself and that you can achieve your goals

Makes you doubt yourself

Treat fear like that negative friend who says all the things you don't want to hear, makes you scared and makes you think about giving up on your goals.

fear is usually based on the past or the present when you can't see a way to achieve your goals...

A really powerful exercise is to write down all the goals you have ever achieved, include everything going right back to your childhood:

-First Day at School

-Passed 1st and 2nd Swimming Certificate

-Performed on Stage

-Passed Driving Test

-Buying your first car

-Passed Exams

-Got your first job

-Rented your first house

-Brought a house

Think about how you felt before you achieved these goals, I'm guessing the fear was there.... but you overcame it and went on to achieve more goals.

What did you say to yourself when you were trying to achieve your first goals....... I remember passing my 2nd swimming certificate and it was so hard....... but little me just said to myself "HAVE FAITH, HAVE FAITH, HAVE FAITH" and I passed, I must have been about 8 years old - Try motivating yourself by saying the positive things you said to yourself as a child - there is something in that because there is a younger self in all of us and using these motivating words will help them to feel safe and you can then relax and get on with achieving your goals.


Don't let fear stop you from getting to the top!!!

10 views0 comments
  • Pauline Toussaint

What does a statement like "Get out of your own way" mean?

Have you ever set a goal and then wondered why it takes a long time achieve it....

If you set the goal then think thoughts like:

"This has never been done before"

"This goal is too big"

"The goal is unrealistic"

"It's unachieveable"

"I don't have enough experience"

"I'm not worthy"

"I'm not good enough or smart enough"

Any thoughts that don't promote belief in the goal or that the goal will not be achieved will get in the way of your goal being achieved, so choose your thoughts wisely.

Hold onto your Goals with positive thoughts!

11 views0 comments