Self-Validation is about not relying on external sources to build up your VALUE, SELF-WORTH and SELF-ESTEEM.
Lack of self-validation stems from your childhood when your parents or main carers were unable to give you what you needed in terms of positive affirmation about how amazing and brilliant you are.
When this is not received early in your childhood, a child will grow into an adult without knowing their true value and they will look for external sources to show them their worth.
This shows up in relationships - for example being in a relationship that is not right for you but being in that relationship makes you believe you are worthy even though at your core it doesn’t feel right for you.
Relationships can be a big source of pain when you don’t know your worth at a deep level,
some women will get intimate with men too soon because they have a need for that validation but the opposite most likely happens and they are still left feeling not worthy and not good enough!
Other examples of not knowing your worth are - sitting and waiting for men to call and when they don’t call you will automatically believe you are not good enough.
Something else that gets in the way of you not knowing your true self-worth is comparing yourself to others, when you do this, it’s like slapping yourself around the face for no reason and this leaves you feeling deflated.
So, how do we change it………. Well it starts with YOU!!!! The only person who is going to build up your VALUE, SELF-WORTH and SELF-ESTEEM is YOU!
You will then find that you no longer settle for any old relationship where you don’t feel fulfilled because you know your WORTH and your VALUE and you will know that you deserve better.
Here are the steps to follow, I can say that if you follow this process and commit to it, you will feel more valued than you have ever felt before and your SELF-WORTH and SELF-ESTEEM will grow enormously. These steps may seem repetitive but this repetition is necessary to change and develop a strong SELF-WORTH.
1. The first step is to identify and understand your triggers - is it not getting the phone call when he said he would ring? Is it wanting contact with him all the time because if you don’t have this, you will not feel valued - this can come across as needy and with the wrong man, it can make you vulnerable. Is it when you compare yourself to others?
2. Have a conversation with yourself, let yourself know that you are sorry that you were dependent on men/other people for validation and let yourself know that this is not acceptable.
3. Say to yourself [whenever the trigger happens] - I am still WORTHY, GOOD ENOUGH, SPECIAL, BRILLIANT, IMPORTANT, MAGNIFICENT, BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY!!!
4. Record or film yourself saying that and continue to repeat it to yourself - over and over and over again, what you are doing is reprogramming your mind - your old mindset made you believe that you needed external validation but that is not true, the only validation that is important is your own validation.
5. Continue telling yourself - regardless of other people’s actions I am still WORTHY, GOOD ENOUGH, SPECIAL, BRILLIANT, IMPORTANT, MAGNIFICENT, BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY AND MUCH MORE!!!
6. Continue doing this for 2 weeks everyday to start!!!! KEEP Reprogramming your mind - when you get triggered, continue telling yourself - regardless of other people’s actions I am still WORTHY, GOOD ENOUGH, SPECIAL, BRILLIANT, IMPORTANT, MAGNIFICENT, BEAUTIFUL, PRETTY AND MUCH MORE!!!
7. Make a contract and commitment to yourself that you will no longer compare yourself to others and the only person you will compare yourself against will be the person you were yesterday.
8. YOU WILL START NOTICING a change in how you feel! Keep doing it, keep doing it and keep doing it, you deserve to feel good and only be validated by yourself!!!
9. Keep doing it until you build the belief and you can feel it in your SOUL!!! It’s like building a muscle, you have to keep doing it until you change but the payoff is you will no longer depend on a man or someone outside of yourself to tell you your worth! You will know your WORTH!!!!!
10. GOOD LUCK - Be your own best friend and biggest supporter, I know you can do this, I am also one of your biggest supporters because I did it too!!!!
Wishing you an abundance of Love and Freedom!
Pauline
x
